Frustration Tolerance with Language Learning and Comparisons to my Journey with Illustration

For the longest time, I've wanted to learn a second language. It's something I think a lot of people would like to be able to do, but actually going out and doing it is an entirely different story.

I've flipped through languages like a toddler does a picture book--barely grazing the surface and not really comprehending what they are seeing or reading. Maybe I thought the language I wanted to learn would just click and then it would super easy. That once I found that perfect, easy to learn language, I'd be picking it up no problem.

Alas, as it is with all skills, that is not the case.

It's very similar to my beginnings with learning illustration. It wasn't that I was bad at it; I just needed to find the right medium, the right program, and then everything else would fall into place.

I didn't like that I drew at the level of an elementary schooler in my adult years. It was embarrassing and frustrating. I wanted to put the blame on something else: not having the right tools, not having the right books, rather than just accepting that was where my skill level at. Eventually I got over, with the passion of loving something and wanting to depict it in illustration overriding any shame about my abilities.

Really what finally got me over my fear and shame was seeing an artist post in the r/grandorder subreddit about doing daily drawings for Hokusai's release. I saw their illustration and thought "I can do that too." So I did. And I kept going and going until I reached a point where I now feel happy with my skill level. It took about 5 years of dedicated drawing, and I had a ton of fun doing it.

But there were definitely periods of frustration. Of not being able to draw what I "see." Of the large gap between my observations and my skills. But I was eventually able to bridge those gaps and continue forward. And will continue forward until my hands can no longer hold a pencil. And even then, I think there will still be a way I will try to draw.

I want to feel that way with language learning. I want to hurdle whatever is holding me back the same way seeing that Hokusai drawing did. I want to maintain that momentum even past that first hurdle. I want to be able to understand a second language.

But what does it mean to understand a language? Is speaking and listening enough? Being able to write in it? Being able to read it? Hold casual conversation?

All of the above?

Ideally yes. But getting there, getting to those points, feels so daunting and terrifying.

With art, it was simply "I want to draw well."

Yes, I realize that notion is equally as vague as "I want to understand a second language," but for some reasons it felt less daunting. Maybe because it came from a place of wanting to learn for the fun of it, rather than learning for the sake of it.

Looking at it from that angle, the statement of "I want to draw well" really was "I want to draw Hokusai," which only grew into "I want to draw Ryouma and Oryou." The statement has pretty much stagnated at that, but the skills that came from it did not.

Maybe that's how I'll get over my reservations about learning a second language. Make it fun.

I want to learn Japanese. That much I know. It's the language and culture that's always interested me since I was a kid. If I were to dedicate the next five years to learning that language solely, it would be a five years well spent.

But I don't have unlimited time. Something will have to give in my schedule. I'll need to make room for it. I'll figure it out, if I really want it.

I'd like to be able to read Japanese. So I think I'll just start there. I'll add in writing a tad too. But I won't worry about speaking, at least not yet.

Ultimately, I'd like to read Fate/Type Redline.

Mood: tired

Watching: Spy x Family

Listening: Joe Hisaishi

Reading: Ryouma! Vol. 3 by Ryotaro Shiba